Well, here's my collection of more or less useful non-Star Trek quotes. (If you're looking for Trek quotes, go here.) To make things easier for you, I've divided them into the following categories:
Laws, Rules and Maxims Enjoy!
Anthony's Law of Force:
Boob's Law:
Cann's Axiom:
Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law:
Clarke's Conclusion:
DeVries' Dilemma:
Ehrman's Commentary:
Etorre's Observation:
Finagle's Law:
Finagle's First Rule:
Finagle's Second Rule:
Finagle's Third Rule:
Finagle's Fourth Rule:
Finagle's Fifth Rule:
Finagle's Sixth Rule:
Finagle's Eighth Rule:
Finagle's Third Law:
Fourth Law of Revision:
The Golden Rule of Arts and Sciences:
Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab:
Harvard Law I:
Harvard Law II:
Harvard Law III:
Horngren's Observation:
Hurewitz's Memory Principle:
Jones' Law:
Katz' Law:
Klipstein's Corrolary to Murphy's Law I:
Klipstein's Corrolary to Murphy's Law II:
Lackland's Laws:
Law of Computability Applied to Social Sciences:
The Law of Healthy Eating:
Law of Life's Highway:
The Law of Selective Gravity, or the Buttered-Side Down Law:
The Laws of Clothing Shopping:
Lewis's Law of Travel:
Manly's Maxim:
Matz's Maxim:
Murphy's Law:
Meskimen's Law:
Mitchell's Law of Committees:
Murphy's First Law:
Murphy's Second Law:
Murphy's Third Law:
Murphy's Fourth Law:
Murphy's Fifth Law:
Murphy's Sixth Law:
Murphy's Seventh Law:
Murphy's Eighth Law:
Murphy's Ninth Law:
Murphy's Eleventh Law:
Murphy's Law of Research:
Nowlan's Theory:
Oliver's Law:
O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Laws: Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: It's on the other side.
Quantized Revision of Murphy's Law:
Rowe's Rule:
Rudin's Law I:
Rudin's Law II:
Rule of Creative Research:
Rune's Rule:
Shaw's Principle:
Sodd's Second Law:
Stewart's Law:
Truman's Law:
Van Roy's Law:
Van Roy's Truism:
Velilind's Laws of Experimentation:
Weiler's Law:
Wethern's Law:
Zimmerman's Law of Complaints:
When policy fails, try thinking. A circuit protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first. f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it. The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much. At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key Buy a Pentium 586/266 so you can reboot faster. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features. Access denied - nah nah na nah nah! Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in. BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay.. Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename"? Windows: just another pane in the glass. SENILE.COM found... Out Of Memory... Southern DOS: y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope) Who's General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue... Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue... Error: keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
Press any key to continue... no, no, no, not that one!
"640K ought to be enough for anybody!" Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit... Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network? If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. Hit any user to continue... 2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push! Windows: the ultimate Pentium to XT converter. If Windows is the answer, then you didn't understand the question. UNIX is user friendly. It's just selective about who its friends are.
I have a spelling checker,
No one has yet programmed a computer to be of two minds about a hard problem
or to burst out laughing.
Steinbach's Guideline for Systems Programming:
Weinberg's Second Law:
Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology:
The Briggs/Chase Law of Programme Development: It figures. If there is Artificial Intelligence, then there's bound to be some artificial stupidity. Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand. As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. You know you've spent too much time working with your computer when you find yourself shaking the remote to keep the screen saver from activating. To err is human, but to really mess things up you need a computer.
Command, n.:
Hardware, n:
On-line, adj.:
Pascal, n.:
The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
Accident, n.:
Afternoon:
Adult:
Automobile, n.:
Boy, n.:
Brain, n.:
Budget:
Character density:
Conversation:
Credit:
Dictatorship:
Discussion, n:
Future, n.:
Shin, n: A synonym is the word you use when you can't spell the right one and therefore can't find it in the dictionary.
Conscience is the inner voice which warns us that someone might be looking. The word "politics" is derived from the word "poly", meaning "many", and the word "ticks", meaning "blood sucking parasites". To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it. Genetics explain why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
An egotist is a person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a narrow field.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age 18.
The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people
are right more than half of the time.
Democracy is a process by which people are free to choose the man who will get
the blame. Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur coat. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip. A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous. A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher
grade of prejudices.
Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories:
those that don't work, those that break down, and those that get lost.
Ballet is to prove that gravity doesn't exist. An optimist believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears that this is true. A language is a dialect with an army and a navy.
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies,
and Statistics.
Feudalism - it's your count that votes!
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? If a turtle loses it's shell, is it naked or homeless? If a fly lost it's wings, would it be called a walk? If you try to fail, but succeed, which have you done? If at first you don't succeed, redifine success. If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average. If at first you don't succeed, act like you never started. If at first you don't succeed, change the rules. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. If at first you don't succeed, try again, then quit. No use being a fool about it. If at first you don't succeed, you aren't bribing the right people. If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished. If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, obviously you have no conception of the magnitude of the problem. If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you must be at least a foot shorter than them.
If you understand everything, you must be misinformed. If you can't change your mind, are you sure you have one? If women are the fair sex, are men the unfair? If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances are 50-50 it will.
If the weather is extremely bad, church attendance will be down.
If you think you are beaten, you are
"Londo, on very rare occasions, I am proud of being your attache!"
"I'm Garibaldi, Chief of Security."
"Only one human captain has ever survived a battle with the Minbari fleet. He is
behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be someplace else!"
"So how did you find out about all this?"
"I told you I could help. The Book of G'Quon; read it, we'll talk later!"
"Are you trying to cheer me up?"
"Always finding the good in every situation, Captain?"
"We cannot kill him!"
"There's nothing like level playing to ruin a Psi Cops day, ain't I right, Mr. Bester?"
"It's an Earth meal, they are called 'swedish meatballs'. It's a strange thing,
but every sentient race has its own version of these Swedish meatballs. I suspect
it's one of those great, universal mysteries which will either never be explained
or which would drive you mad if you ever learned the truth."
"Ready?"
"Delenn, he's trying to kill you!"
"I thought we saw the worst of it; the Shadows, the Vorlons, the war. But there's something
far worse than the Shadows: reporters!"
"When I said my quarters were cold, I did not mean, 'oh, I think it's a little chilly in here,
perhaps I'll throw a blanket on the bed"; no, I said it's COLD, as in, "look, my left arm has
snapped off like an iceicle and shattered on the floor"! This is highly inappropriate, Captain!"
"Arrogance and stupidity , all in the same package. How efficient of you!"
"I can't help but wonder how effectively a woman can protect her Companion, given man's
inherent physical strength."
"So, what's the farthest you guys have ever flown?"
"I've just been assigned as your squadron commander, and if you ever
pull anything like what you did out there under my command, the only
medal you'll be wearing are cuffs in the brig!"
"Feeling like maybe you're not coming back? Everyone gets that."
"Kind of a bummer, getting your butt kicked by a dead guy."
"How come you just can't punch a senior officer? Like, if he's got it coming?"
"I'm in a squad where I'd rather shoot the CO than the enemy!"
"I'll be a son of a bitch if I go to your funeral, Ty."
"58th, this is Red Dog, were you the guys who dialled 911?"
"Okay, strap yourselves in! This flight is gonna suck and we don't serve
peanuts!"
"Mulder, if you had to do without a cell phone for two minutes, you'd lapse into
catatonic schizophrenia!"
"Mulder, I think it's bile."
"To boldly go where no man has gone before!"
"God creates Dinosaurs. God destroys Dinosaurs. God creates Man. Man destroys God.
Man creates Dinosaurs."
"This is your idea of a discreet operation?!"
"What is this? 'Romanes eunt domus', 'people called Romanes they go the house'?"
"I don't mean to be the materialistic weasel of this group, but... you
think we'll get hazard pay out of this?"
"Harry... the clock on that nine-foot nuclear weapon is ticking."
"This isn't dangerous, by any chance?"
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable
end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small
unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of
roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant
little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are
so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches
are a pretty neat idea...
Anything that happens, happens.
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof,
is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot
possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong
it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession
of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.
To see a world in a grain of sand
"And how would we hide a 30,000-ton submarine?"
I will be telling this with a sigh,
Gather ye rosebuds while ye may
I must go down to the seas again,
"I would prefer not to."
This above all, to thine own self be true.
The words fly up, my thoughts remain below;
For I dipped into the future, far as human eye could see,
We have but faith: we cannot know,
The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks;
Elections are won by men and women chiefly because people vote against somebody
rather than for somebody.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
It is always easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
Be content with your lot; one cannot be first in everything.
What passes for optimism is most often the effect of intellectual error.
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries,
is not "Eureka!" (I've found it!) but " That's funny ..."
There is no time like the pleasant.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement.
But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another
profound truth.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
We are all special cases.
The first step towards knowledge is to know that we are ignorant.
I am ready to meet my maker. Whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of
meeting me is another matter.
There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags don't wave in a vacuum.
Nothing is more difficult to sustain than a bad reputation.
I would rather suffer defeat than have cause to be ashamed of victory.
It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper.
The world is full of willing people. Some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.
Anyone who says he isn't going to resign, four times,
definitely will.
I'll give you a definite maybe.
All generalizations are bad.
Back of every achievement is a proud wife, and a surprised mother-in-law.
Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's
supposed to do.
If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself.
What isn't part of ourselfes doesnt disturb us.
The whole point of this sentence is to make clear what the whole point of this
sentence is.
The best way I know of to win an argument is to start by being in the right.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their
prejudices.
An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts.
Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.
It's better to be silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
A child of five would understand this.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman.
I cannot say that I don't disagree with you.
It's bad luck to be superstitious.
It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would
lie if you were in his place.
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing
our parents' shortcomings.
The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the
strong - but that's the way to bet.
It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because
if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot
of people.
It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can do only a little.
Do what you can.
The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them
to choose from.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little influence on society.
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good
impromptu speech.
I can resist everything except temptation.
I have nothing to declare, except my genious.
The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered,
"Where the heck is my ROOF?!?"
"I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed
gibberish all over it and put your name at the top."
To be is to do. (Sartre)
When you're swimmin' in the creek
Latin is a language as dead as dead can be.
Cogito, ergo sum.
Praeterea censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.
Nemo fere saltat sobrius, nisi forte insanit.
Omnia mea mecum porto.
Non vitae sed scholae discimus.
Si vis amari, ama.
Illegitimi non carborundum!
Dolores capitis non fero. Eos do.
Ex astris scientia
In vino veritas.
Me transmitte sursum, Caledoni!
Per aspera ad astra.
Promoveatur ut admoveatur.
Qui ignorabat, ignorabitur.
Quiquid latine dictum sit altum viditur.
Sic itur ad astra.
Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes.
Si tu dixero, necesse erit ut tu interficiam.
Vive diu prosperaque!
(Looking for more Latin? Try it here!)
A circle is a round, straight line with a hole in the middle.
A component selected at random from a group having 99% reliability, will be a member of the 1% group.
A deadline has a wonderful power to concentrate the mind.
A problem well defined is half solved. It is, no less, a problem.
A real person has two reasons for doing anything...
A true politician places mankind in two categories: Tools and enemies.
After all is said and done, a lot more has been said than done.
After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover,
it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, if thou art in the bath, it tolls for thee.
"At this distance they couldn't hit the broad side of a ba-"
Beam me up, Scotty. The thing ate my phaser.
Be an optimist - at least until they start moving animals in pairs to Cape
Canaveral.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Behind every successful man stands an astonished mother-in-law.
Borg spreadsheet programme: Locutus 1-2-3.
Can't have everything, where would you put it?
Carrier bags come in one size : slightly too small.
Car service: if it ain't broke, we'll break it.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word exactly
what you shouldn't have said.
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Don't keep a negative attitude, such as
Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what
you are thinking about them.
Do you mind if I talk while you interrupt?
Do you realise how many holes there could be if people would just take the time
to take the dirt out of them?
Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
Due to financial constraints, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off
until further notice.
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