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This is my absolute favourite scene from Monty Python's "Life of Brian". A transcript doesn't do this hilarious scene justice, but nevertheless, I'll give it a try. It's late at night. Brian has just finished painting his variety of "Romans, go home" in Latin, when a Roman centurion arrives with his men. |
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| Centurion: | What is this then? Romanes eunt domus, "People called Romanes they go the house"? |
| Brian | It-it says, "Romans, go home"! |
| Centurion: | No, it doesn't! What's Latin for "Roman"? [grabs Brian's ear] Come on, come on! |
| Brian: | Romanus! |
| Centurion: | Goes like? |
| Brian: | Annus! |
| Centurion: | Vocative plural of annus is...? |
| Brian: | Anni? |
| Centurion: | [writes] Romani. And eunt? What is eunt? |
| Brian: | "Go"! Let- |
| Centurion: | Conjugate the verb "to go". |
| Brian: | Ire; eo, is, it, imus, itis, eunt! |
| Centurion: | So eunt is...? |
| Brian: | Third person plural, present indicative. "They go!" |
| Centurion: | But "Romans, go home" is an order, so you must use the...? |
| Brian: | The... imperative! |
| Centurion: | Which is...? |
| Brian: | I! |
| Centurion: | [twisting Brian's ear] How many Romans? |
| Brian: | [yelling] I.. Plural, plural! Ite, ite! |
| Centurion: | [writing] Ite. Domus? Nominative? But "go home", it is motion towards, isn't it, boy? |
| Brian: | Dative, sir! |
| [The centurion promptly draws his swords and presses it against Brian's throat. Brian yells:] | |
| No, not dative! Not the dative, sir! No! The... accusative, accusative! Domum, sir, ad domum! | |
| Centurion: | Except that domus takes the...? |
| Brian: | The locative, sir! |
| Centurion: | Which is? |
| Brian: | Domum! |
| Centurion: | [writing] Domum... -um [sheathing his sword] Understand? |
| [Brian nods eagerly] | |
| Now, write it out a hundred times! | |
| Brian: | Yes, sir, thank you, sir! Hail Caesar! |
| Centurion: | Hail Caesar. If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off! |
| Brian: | Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar and everything, sir! |
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~ FINIS ~ |
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